Beaver by Ian Mansfield
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"Then I'll bring you a hacksaw and hide cookies inside it.
It'll be the last thing they're expecting." "You're the sweetest." "Is there anything else I can do for you? Any of us?" "Tell me more about you. What's going on out there?" "Hold up." She reached into her purse and fished around. At last, she pulled out a photograph. "Here's Craig." The picture showed Craig leaning against the entrance to a bar giving his bloodied face a pirate wipe. "The fuck happen there?" I asked her. "So we're at the bar and he goes up to a bunch of guys in football jerseys." "I can see where this one's headed." "Worse. Goes up to the guy in number 69 and starts asking him about his sexual preferences." "That's so unoriginal." "So's wearing a shirt with a sexual position on it to a bar." "Maybe you forgot to check for the 'Hate-Free Zone' sticker on the door." We had a good laugh about Craig. We were still laughing when she asked again if there was anything she could do for me while I was in there. I turned the tables and asked if there was anything I could do for her. "Shit man, you're the one in jail." "Come on, I can send you mash notes. Maybe I'll give you some of the rehab literature we have in here." "Any of it any good?" "What the fuck you think? It'll be great. You and your friends can be ironic. They're a gas." She burst out laughing and slapped the glass. "Jesus. No, seriously, is there anything I can do for you?" "Show me your beaver," I told her. She was laughing, but I wasn't. Then I decided to start laughing, and she stopped. She could tell I wasn't really kidding, so I had no choice but to go for it. "Everyone does it." "What?" She did not look very amused. "They're gonna think I'm gay if some girl comes by to visit me and doesn't flash me through the window. And you know what happens then."[read on] |
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