'We'll start off with the straightforward questions…just a simple yes- no answer will suffice. Then, if necessary I might ask you to explain things in a bit more detail. Try not to worry about anything. Remember you're not alone in this. Plenty of people go through it at some stage in their lives.' I want to smile to acknowledge her kindness. I move my mouth but I cannot smile.'Are you having any trouble sleeping?'
            'Yes.'
            'Is this normal for you?'
            'I've always been a light sleeper, but lately it seems like I just can't get any rest at all.' Something is jumping inside my body, jerking and twitching and snatching at my breath.
            'And do you find you are unusually tired in the daytime?'
            'No, I'm the opposite…I have so much energy. I feel wide-awake dayand night, almost hyperactive…but…I don't want to do anything, I…' I feel the panic rising inside me. Dr. Robinson lifts up her clipboard and marks the paper.
            'What do you do at night when you find you can't sleep? I twist a piece of my hair around and around. I can see that this is irritating the Doctor but it helps me concentrate. Her eyes keep wandering from my face to the finger that holds the hair but I can't stop twisting and I won't.
            'I don't know…' I turn to look at James. 'Sometimes I might go downstairs and watch the television…' He nods, squeezing my hand, urging me on. '…or I might try to read…' The words are escaping, they're slipping away.
            'She reads medical books.' I breathe out slowly as he takes over, look down at my hands and then back up at James. 'She reads the dictionary as well, says she's checking over definitions, making sure she hasn't made any mistakes at work.' I feel like a child, small and fragile. A child who cannot speak for herself. 'She checks everything a hundred times over. It's complete paranoia. She's great at her job.' Dr. Robinson's eyes return to me.
            'You say you've moved departments at the hospital. Can you tell me a little bit about what your job involves now?
            'I'm still a medical administrator, but I've moved from the department of Oncology to Ear, Nose and Throat. I'm still typing up letters from the doctors to their patients. They use technical terms, medical language. I type from voice, from their dictation.
[read on]